Los Angeles, CA - Youtube sensation Unknown Life Form In North Carolina Sewer has been asked to perform 'Nessun Dorma' at the Michael Jackson Memorial service this coming Tuesday at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. The announcement was made by Jackson family publicist, Ken Sunshine.
Although it was not known previously that 'Unknown Life Form In North Carolina Sewer' had any singing talent, show participants assured us of its capabilities.
Said dancer, Jermaine Dupuis, "Unknown Life Form In North Carolina Sewer is the real deal. It sings, whistles, yoddles, you name it. It can even do a mean moonwalk, if you don't mind the skid marks."
Quincy Jones agrees. "...Like everybody else, I was sceptical at first. But once we gave it an opportunity to strut it's stuff, we were all blown away. Unknown Life Form In North Carolina Sewer has 'got the chops', it can lay down a mean beat.
Still, Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer has it's detractors, most notably Paul Potts of Britain's Got Talent fame. Said Paul, "Well, Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer may have the goods but it really makes Susan Boyle look like Pamela Anderson. Have you seen that thing? It's nasty. Makes me want to spew chunks."
While the show on Tuesday is expected to reach over a billion people world wide, the Staples Center will only hold 11,000. Those people will be given face masks, partly in honor of Michael Jackson, but more to do with the nature of Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer's act.
"Have you ever been in a stadium while Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer is performing?" said publicist Ken Sunshine. "It's got a really funky smell."
Joe Jackson, father of Michael stated, "I think it's important that we have the opportunity to present new acts, even though this show is about Michael. I think he would have wanted it that way. No one even knew about Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer, least of all Michael Jackson. But, as Michael used to say, you've got to 'change the world'. And what better way than to give an opportunity to something that's been living in a sewer all its life."
Phil Spector, speaking from prison, agreed. "It's a cinderella story."