Written by NickFun
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Thursday, 2 July 2009

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Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines, has nothing to do with this story.

21-year-old Kevin Jonas has decided to trash his purity ring and marry 22-year-old hairdresser Danielle Deleasa.

"I've been a virgin way too long", the eldest Jonas brother told the news media. "I hope sex is as good as everyone says it is".

All the Jonas brothers have taken vows of chastity before marriage though younger brother Nick did admit to masturbating recently. Kevin refused to reveal his masturbation habits directly but did confirm that he "gets hard sometimes".

Former porn star Jenna Jameson has been giving Jonas lessons on lovemaking. "He didn't even know you could put it in her mouth", Jameson commented.

The newly engaged Deleasa couldn't have been happier. "I'm going to be rich!" she shouted gleefully to an unconfirmed source. "I'm going to be driving nice cars, staying in swanky hotels, eating lots of nice food, wearing really expensive furs - it's going to be great!"

Kevin insisted that his bride-to-be stay trim for the wedding. "I want my first sexual experience to be with a sexy woman, not some fat bag", Jonas insisted.

Some sources speculated that although Jonas was still a virgin, his newly announced fiancée may not be.

"I know a couple of guys that did her", revealed Jojo "Squash" Harrington, a former high school classmate of Deleasa's.

Jonas attorney claims there is a prenuptial agreement between the pair which states that in the event of a divorce Jonas will retain all his money and Deleasa will get "squat".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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