Written by Boboski
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Thursday, 2 July 2009

There are reports coming in from various media sources that Rick Astley, an 80's pop star from Great Britain , is to launch his comeback by singing at Michael Jackson's funeral. Astley's Management Company have been tight lipped on the speculation, although when Sky reporters camped outside Astley's Home in Leeds last week, they heard him singing along to his old songs and apparently neighbours had called the police claiming there was an "awful racket going on" from the Vicinity of Astley's House.

Rick, who notched up hit classics during his heyday such as "Never Gonna Give You Up" and "She wants to Dance with me" had given up on the Music Industry and became a full time gardener after his disastrous last release in 1993 "I hate you all" reached a catastrophic Number 86 in the charts. Although the track was a radical departure from Rick's "good wholesome" persona, with interludes of crash metal guitars and screams of dying cattle, his P.A. Donald Siderfield claims this was not to blame for the "loss of Rick's loyal fans" who Donald claims were "not real fans anyway". He went on to state that "Rick would never tell a lie and hurt anyone, he knows the rules and so do I. He would not desert anyone"

It is believed that Rick has been locked in a garden shed rehearsing in a secret location somewhere in Yorkshire . One witness (who cannot be named for fear of his association with pop music) claims that a white van has pulled up at 6am every morning for the last 6 months to an "abandoned shed in the middle of a field" with cases of teabags and bread. Another witness claims to have actually spotted Astley urinating in a nearby field, although a DNA test must be carried out on the sample to identify the culprit.

Sources in Uncle Sam claim that Astley has been in close communications with Uri Geller, Jackson's best friend and spoon bender, about a comeback gig at the Neverland Ranch where it is believed he will be landing on a makeshift stage from a Chinook Helicopter amidst giant firework explosions and launch into "Give Peace A Chance" thinking it was Jackson's biggest single, although it was in actual fact a John Lennon classic. "It will be like nothing anyone has ever seen" said an insider. Rumours that Rick will use the publicity to announce a world tour are unjustified, and would surely incense Jacko fans, many of which are believed to be trying to flee Neverland, even Los Angeles itself in light of recent news. A press conference from the Santa Monica Ingrid Bergmann Memorial Suite of the Palace Hotel tonight should confirm what we all feared the most….Rick is "giving it up" for Jacko!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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