Lindsay Lohan the chief suspect in a recent jewel heist is believed to have made off with five priceless bathing suits at her pre-pre Birthday Party. Lohan spent more time sans bikinis than partially naked at the pubic relations event that did not involve anyone who even actually knew her.
The almost 23 year old with an incredible talent for celebrity-ism disappeared with the five itsy bitsy teenie weenie bikinis just as Scotlandyard dicks arrived hot on the trail of the missing family jewels.
Inspector Cunthound swore in frustration at the almost magical disappearance of Lindsay Lohan and pledged that he would search the high road and the low road till he recovered the missing gems and the bikinis:
" If I have to remove all five of the skimpy swim suits to find her family jewels, Cunthound will sniff out his man, er, woman!"