Written by Wire Piddle
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

image for Michael Jackson To Dr. Klein - "I'll Have A Chin, A Nose, Drugs...And A Side Order Of Kids"
The Needle And The Damage Done

Beverly Hills, CA - It has been revealed that Dr. Arnold Klein, Michael Jackson's dermatologist, may in fact be the biological father of his children. As well as children, Dr. Klein supplied Michael Jackson with many of his medical needs, including, but not limited to, a chin implant, a new nose, and botox injections for life.

When asked if he thought supplying children to wealthy celebrities contravened his Hypocratic Oath, Dr. Klein responded, "...we live in a world where every individual strives to reach his potentialities. Mine is to have a yearly seven figure income. How I go about that is my own bloody business."

Yet certain intellectual circles bristle at the thought that with the advent of sperm donation, doctors may be more inclined to cast their nets a little too far. Harvard medical ethicist, Yehudi Brinklehoff, had this to say on the subject.

"You really have to stop and think about what our world is coming to when a patient can walk right into a doctor's office and order kids off the shelf. If the top one percentile of people with high intelligence is willing to donate their genetic material to the bottom one percentile of people; those with low intellectual capacity, well, where is it all heading? I ask you that!"

Before his passing in February of 2008, the same question was put to Libertarian icon, William F. Buckley, at a symposium held aboard a small sailing yacht, anchored off the coast of his Connecticut residence.

Said Mr. Buckley, "...look, I'm an old man. I'm tired of these endless hypothetical questions being hurled at me by impatient people; social climbing misfits and gadflies who want a quick answer, and, in particular, an answer that justifies their theory that everything about America can be boiled down to a socio-economic struggle reminiscent of the Cliffnotes version of F. Scott Fitzgerald's Great flippin' Gatsby. So do me the commendable favour of just mixing that martini and buggering off. You can mark those two things, a), mixing the martini and b), buggering off, as your most worthy contributions your life has made to a), society in general, and b), my existence in the particular."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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