In a statement today, Ebay bosses have clarified the status of Michael Jackson concert tickets purchased through their website.
"The sad news of Michael Jackson's death has left fans of the King of Pop bereft. eBay is committed to ensuring that it will not be left out of pocket as a result of the unique nature of the event, and will ensure all buyers on the site can receive a full refund for their ticket purchase.
Full refunds will be made to all buyers who return their tickets, in person, to one of our Customer Service Centres. Of course, we will have to establish the validity of the purchase, so DNA will be tested, full access to bank accounts required and younger offspring (or siblings) will be taken hostage.
Because of the expected volume of returns, refunds will have to be made in local currency. We hope the the typical Ebayer will understand and accept this".
Responding to a question from this reporter, Mr Abromovich stated that the Customer Service Centres are to be found in Tehran, Islamabad and Baghdad. Negotiations are "making good progress" towards the establishment of centres in Antarctica and Mogadishu.
The meeting broke up as ticket clutching Ebayers went online to try to find cut-rate flights to Tehran.
STOP PRESS NEWS: Because of some disquiet about the local currency refunds, Ebay's trading partner, Paypay has stated that Somali Shillings, Iranian Rials, Pakistani Rupees and Antarctic Dollars will be exchanged. When pressed, the spokesman stated that he was not authorised to say what they would be exchanged for.