The 50-date London tour places left vacant by the sudden death of pop superstar Micheal Jackson are to be filled by a lineup of celebrities instead.
Promoters AEG had been shitting their trousers at the prospect of losing t on all that easy cash so decided to immediately conduct a worldwide search for any other paedophile performers or just your average general weirdo's to replace Wacko Jacko.
First stop was Gary Glitter who immediately signed on - at the sex offenders register - before committing to sing a compilation of his greatest hits.
"I was saddened when I heard about his death", Glitter said, "but grateful that it was him not me".
Guitarist Pete Townshend of The Who fame will come in and perform a bunch of theme music from all the CSi telly shows.
The drummer from the Bay City Rollers promised to make an appearance as long as there would be kids present. He also demanded all the blue M&M's be put in a separate bowl.
Fans so far have reacted happily to the line-up but some have demanded more big-name stars such as Roman Polanski to appear as MC's for the night.