Hollywood CA-- Actress Kirstie Alley has now become the fattest person who ever existed. The formerly svelte actress now tips the scales at 1,000,000 pounds. She has also turned into a perfect sphere, courtesy of her massive bulk. Her waistline--or equator--is now exactly 100 miles wide. Even Jenny Craig can't help her now!
A swarm of Big Macs, potato chips and Snickers bars orbits the incredible behemoth. Worried scientists note that Kirstie has her own gravitational field now. She will have entire grocery stores in her gravitational grip if she keeps gaining more weight.
Kirstie is estimated to be gaining one ton every second. Her massive appetite now includes anything anything organic--including people, raw sewage and Twinkies.
Scientists hope the colossal butter-ball will get so big, she harmlessly sink to the center of the Earth. Other scientists are concerned she may simply explode, much like the Krakatoa Volcano. If Kirstie explodes now, 10 miles of grease and flesh would cover every inch of the planet.
There is absolutely no hope for Kirstie now! Everyone is hoping she somehow manages to eat herself and simply vanishes.