Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 23 June 2009

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Practicing for the closing number - Suicide, It's My Only Way Out

With Panto season fast approaching, producers at the Manchester Palace Theatre have decided to ditch the traditional Soap Star in Cinderella approach that has served them so well in the past and try for something more edgy and topical.

Kerry Katona, Katie Price and Amy Winehouse have been lined up to star in a new production called "My Life Is Already a Pantomime."

"This is going to be a fantastic show," said the show's producer Peter Heater. "It's going to open with a spectacular musical number entitled My Life Is Crap And It's All My Own Fault.

"We've got Lily Allen in to write the songs, and she's got some marvellously lyrical songs for the three stars to belt out. Songs like Addicted to Crack But I Won't Admit It, He's Gonna Get My Kids and Bankrupt would grace any discount CD Bin at HMV."

Although Winehouse is not yet confirmed on account of still being on holiday in the Bahamas, her agent said that she is excited by the prospect of the show and has already put forward a list of riders that include increasing the height of all the doors so she can get her beehive through.

All three women are said to want to take part, in order to pay for a costly divorce, bankruptcy and rehab.

The show is scheduled to start in December, but expect this date to slip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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