Written by Wire Piddle
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Monday, 22 June 2009

image for Perez Hilton: "I've Been Assaulted By A Pea!"
Square Plate Sponge Peas

Toronto, Canada - Famous celebrity blogger, Perez Hilton, here for a Canadian music video awards show, is claiming to have been assaulted by a pea; and a green one at that, causing him to bleed actual blood.

Police are investigating the allegation, after having been called to the at once supremely indulgent and artfully subdued Soho Met Hotel, the hotel that offers inspired culinary creations and rejuvenating spa treatments to advanced in-room technologies and innovative business services; a limitless range of sophisticated pleasures.

The alleged pea was found sitting crumpled on the sidewalk outside the marble floors of the Soho Metropolitan Hotel, where you enter a world of exquisite delights and unparalleled convenience, where commitment to service and personal attention exceed all expectations.

"I had just been finishing up my Fish 'n Chip meal when this pea jumped off the plate and cold-cocked me," Perez alleges, "It was a totally unprovoked attack, other than the fact that my fork had brushed by it a couple of times."

"I fell into a daze and suddenly I envisioned George Michael and Freddie Mercury started singing 'Summer (The First Time)', that Bobby Goldsboro tune to me. It was quite unsettling."

Mr. Hilton provided a report of the incident to the police and then retired to his Soho Met Hotel loft-style penthouse suite , where European natural down duvets and triple Italian bed linens grace the luxurious king-size beds. He then used the smart technology to adjust lighting, motorized draperies and do-not-disturb light and promptly went to sleep.

NOTE: A pirated version of Perez Hilton's hallucination can now be found on youtube, entitled 'Freddie Mercury - Summer The First Time'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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