Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Top Gear, The Stig

Sunday, 21 June 2009

image for The Stig revealed: a woman!
"I'm sure that Angela Rippon drives one of those!"

No one would have believed that in the early part of of the 21st century, a woman would have kept her identity a secret for so long. Now the identity of the 'Stig' is to be revealed on the long-running BBC series, for petrolheads,'Top Gear'.

It has long been thought by the audience that the real 'Stig' has been no less than eight different racing drivers and speculation will be brought to a climax on the 21st of June when he/she/it will be unmasked.

However, it has also been hinted that this could be one massive publicity stunt and still the identity could be kept secret. The Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, (the one with the big mouth) has announced the 'unmasking' ceremony before the programme is to be aired.

In Seine News can exclusively reveal that the 'Stig' is really a woman, so if men are claiming to be "The White Knight" they are wrong!

A leading psychologist, Mark Lowton from Lancaster, has noticed several revealing facts that the person is female:

  1. she never reverses .
  2. she is absent at certain times of the month.
  3. she cannot Park.
  4. when she goes to the toilet, she always uses the ladies loo.
  5. she is always asking for directions.
  6. she runs like a girl.

"You wouldn't catch a man doing the any of the above, would you?" he said. Mr Lowton added; "The only thing that I cannot understand is that he does not say a word, but it is a possibility that his/her mouth has been sealed with Duct tape to improve aerodynamics. That is the one distinguishing factor that could prove a major gender identity beyond all reasonable doubt!"

The 'Stig' has never been Angela Rippon a BBC insider has claimed, although after this evening's events, one may have to think again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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