Written by Harry Porter

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Tuesday, 6 July 2004

image for Shrek 2 faces global boycott
A true member of the Ogre race yesterday

Lord of the Rings fans across the world are urging a boycott of Shrek2.

The Tolkienites claim the mythological Ogre is being misrepresented on the silver screen, lulling children and, indeed, all of humankind into a false sense of security.

Ogres, to followers of faerie folklore, are no laughing matter. Related to the Orc, Ogres feed on human flesh and, apparently, have an innate ability to sniff out the blood of an Englishman.

Shrek, however, is essentially a good-natured galoot and is not prone to gnawing on the bones of infants, English or otherwise.

Ron ‘Dragonfang' Davidson, President of the International Lord of the Rings Appreciation Fellowship, said: "We tolerated the original Shrek because we knew a sequel was in the pipeline and believed Shrek's true nature would eventually be clearly illustrated.

"This has not happened and mankind is in danger of accepting Ogres as ‘nice' creatures. They are not and we could all be at risk from the force of darkness if the Ogres unite and rise up."

Support for the boycott is being sought from the rather serious legion of Harry Potter fans. That has not been forthcoming. The multitude of muggles is apparently locked in a life or death struggle with arch nemesis Carol Vorderman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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