Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Russell Brand

Thursday, 18 June 2009

image for Russell Brand invites Pixie Lott to Summer Solstice shag on Hampstead Heath!
Pixie has attributes that have reduced Brand to a blueballed zombie

London - (Horny Ass Mess): Lovelorn TV naughty-boy Russell Brand is all set to woo red-hot Number One Top-of-the-Pops sensation Pixie Lott with a romantic dawn tryst on Hampstead Heath this Sunday.

A recent airport encounter with stunning eighteen year-old singer Pixie is apparently responsible for the comedian's blue ball hangdog pallor of the last two weeks.

"He's planning to wow her with a moonlit champagne snogging session - maybe more! - next to the Heath's Ladies Bathing Pond just before sunrise," a pal of Jonathan Ross's cleaning lady told reporters today.

Apparently Brand, 34, reckons that despite the sixteen year age gap between the pair the forthcoming Summer Solstice would be perfect for a spot of succulent cherry-popping.

Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie is so over him...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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