Written by Wire Piddle
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Topics: BBC

Thursday, 18 June 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan Sues Artist After He Tattoos Her Butt With Big Three Car Logos

Hollywood - Actress Lindsay Lohan is suing Romanian born tatoo artist Rudescam Butucelea after he tattooed her bottom with the logos of the big three automakers, General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler.

Lindsay Lohan's representative is adamant that the actress made no request for the tattoos and was simply looking for something elegant to cover a birthmark, something along the lines of small flora or fauna.

"There's a very simple explanation to all this," explained Mr. Butucelea. "I applied for a government grant and was given a promise of $100 from the federal government for every butt I tattooed with the big three automakers logo. It is part of the bailout package in order to stimulate the economy; to create demand within the auto sector and boost sales of automotive vehicles."

Lohan's representative states that the actress will be seeking a settlement of no less that $1 million US.

"How can they claim a million dollars from a poor tattoo artist from Romania? I just tattooed one of the world's most famous butts. For that I should be charging the world's big three automakers $1 million US instead of the measly $100 I get from the government."

Since the reporter filed this story, tattoo artist Rudescam Butucelea has consulted with his lawyers and will commence a lawsuit against the federal government and GM, Ford, and Chrysler relating to unpaid royalties stemming from the bailout stimulus package thingy. So I guess we can all rest easy knowing another immigrant isn't getting royally screwed by big business and big government, after all, it was hard-working immigrants like Rudescam Butucelea that built this great nation, or at least that's how Mr. Belden taught it in history class, but then again, he was a bit of a tool if you remember, always walking into the girl's change room after hours with a can of Lysol, pretending to 'sanitize' the place, always snapping towels on boy's bottoms in the shower room when he should have been marking tests. I mean, really, what was that all about?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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