Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 12 June 2009

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Spit Or Swallow?

£80 million Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his lucrative move to the Spanish giants by going out on the lash in Hollywood.

Ronaldo was seen and snapped by photographers in My House nightclub in Hollywood knocking back the drinks and licking the tonsils of pointless celebrity Paris Hilton.

An insider told us:

"He's IN the money with the Real Madrid move, he's IN Hollywood heavily on the piss, he's been IN the My House nightclub, and we believe he's also been IN Paris Hilton, as he was seen emerging from her sister's house at 7am. Although I can't absolutely confirm the sex thing until the DVD is released onto the internet. Probably for a fee."

Ronaldo's behaviour would have reduced Sir Alex Ferguson to apoplexy had Manchester United not trousered the £80 million, but in Madrid the reaction was more one of 'Get in there my son and fill your boots.'

The Society Of Madrid Pharmacists welcomed Ronaldo's Real move telling us that they'll be stocking up on acne treatments, and also stated that they would extend a welcome to Paris Hilton should she accompany Ronaldo, as she must spend an absolute fortune on mouthwash.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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