New York City -- Billionaire media mogul Ashley Olsen is suffering from a crippling addiction to Pepsi-Cola, according to a source close to her family. The teen star entered a "Carbonated Beverage Detox Center" on Thursday.
Earlier this week, Mary-Kate, the slighter of the sisters, was admitted into a facility for an addiction to Coca-Cola.
"It hasn't surprised many here in Hollywood" said KTLA television reporter Norween Klegsnell. "We could see this train wreck a mile away. The bad teeth, the empty pop cans....all the warning signs were there and luckily it was caught before it could progress to something stronger, like Jolt"
Pepsi-Cola has a street value of roughly four cents an ounce. With its slightly sweeter taste, many consider it a gateway soda.
"Sure we get tons of kids dabbling in Pepsi these days, but the real problem that nobody is covering is the Dew" Gary Delhoust said Thursday. Delhoust is the president of the faith based program "Jesus Saves, Soda Sins"
"Really the kids call it a lot of things, you got your soda, your pop, your soda-pop, Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Shasta, Bubba, Yoohoo....I can see how someone as rich and powerful as (the Olsen twins) could get hooked. "
Eleventh precinct vice officer Lenny Espinoza, on patrol on the lower west side, feels that tougher sentences on abusers of pop is in order.
"I bet I could go in that gas station and easily pick up almost 150 ounces of the stuff for under six bucks"" Espinoza said, "But once we bust them for that it isn't no more than six minutes later they got the cases back out and the shops opened back up. And don't get me started on these kids thinking that the diet and the caffeine free stuff is better for em, it ain't. Kids die from this crap all the time."
The Soft Drink Education Council reports that in 2003, nearly 99% of all fatalities of children aged 11-17 were found to have consumed a cola based beverage within 48 hours of their death, whether accidental or disease related.
Last year four teens died at a post-prom party in Ohio from acute stomach detonation, caused by mixing Pop-Rocks with Pepsi.
"Prayer will guide Ashley through this world littered with empty liter bottles" Delhoust said, "and we can only hope the Holy Spirit will banish these high fructose corn syrup demons from her frail, yet disturbingly sexy body"
"Carbonated Beverage Detox" usually takes three to four hours and two good toothbrushings.