Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Susan Boyle, Aliens

Saturday, 6 June 2009

image for Mothman Torments Susan Boyle In Mental Hospital
Mothman Used Susan's Hair To Make This Nest!

London-- Doctors at the Prior Sanitarium now fear the worst for singer Susan Boyle. The poor woman is deteriorating at an alarming rate and may never be released. The Scottish songbird is having intense hallucinations about the headless extraterrestrial, Mothman.

Susan insists Mothman is stalking her and that the bizarre extraterrestrial ripped out a chunk of her curly brown hair. Susan believes Mothman wants her hair to build a nest. She also hears Mothman humming songs to her. She believes it is a mating call from the odd alien.

Doctors noticed some missing hair when Susan was admitted to the mental hospital. They believed she tried to hurt herself and they put her in restraints. She was given heavy tranquilizers and left handcuffed to her bed for the first night.

Susan was in a state of extreme hysteria the following morning. She claimed Mothman flew into her bedroom and spent the night ripping out more of her hair. She said Mothman hummed 'Close To You' by the Carpenters all night with its strange, electronic voice.

The doctors were puzzled to find more hair missing the day after. They simply ordered even heavier tranquilizers and tightened her restraints. No one would listen to Susan's hysterical pleas about Mothman. They thought she was insane.

On the third morning, doctors found all of Susan's hair gone. Their evaluation determined that Susan somehow rubbed all the hair off her head and then ate it. Susan was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.

They noted Susan's chart with two recommendations. Never let her grow her hair back and never play 'Close To You' near her ever again!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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