"It just wasn't working out between us" claimed Nigella, 73, emerging from the solicitors office with Ronald McDonald.
"I was on the bounce from John (Diamond, her previous husband who died a few years ago, was a top journalist and to whom this reporter means NO DISRESPECT WHATSOEVER. Got that sorted, then. On with the story...), and Ron needed a partner to take his mind off his surpressed homoerotic desires for the Hamburglar.
Everything just fitted into place. It just turned ugly a few months ago. I think it was that fucking McChoice menu that really started things off."
The financial settlement looks like being complicated, involving money from Nigella's 'how to be a domestic goddess' series, and Ronald's 'How to get round underage employment, hygeine and monopoly laws' series.