Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 1 June 2009

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Susan - she shoulda won

Members of Diversity, the dance troupe that emerged victorious from last weekend's Britain's Got Talent competition, have acknowledged that Susan Boyle, not they, should have won the title, and that they, themselves, believe they are shit.

And they are right.

Boyle, the Scottish singing sensation, crumbled at the result on Saturday, and has since been admitted to a London nuthouse, and Diversity leader and choreographer, Ashley Banjo (Yes, that's right, 'Banjo'!), said:

"We know Susan shoulda won. 'She's a great singer, although very much a minger, she surely shoulda beaten us, she shoulda bin the winner!' That's a few lines from the title track of our new album. Mr Cowell come up wiv it!"

He said that he was well aware that his troupe had won due solely to the fact that millions of misguided, disenfranchised youngsters had voted for them multiple times using their parents' mobile phones, and admitted:

"We know we are shit, but we are the winners, innit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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