Written by Khadija
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Topics: MILF, Amanda Holden

Monday, 1 June 2009

image for Amanda Holden to host Britain's Got MILF in the nude!
Amanda says she wants the ultra sexy 'Maggie' to be one of the judges on Britain's got MILF's

After her success on BGT, Amanda Holden, 43 has proposed the idea to her friend Simon who seemed mildly interested, yet thoroughly opposed to the idea.

Amanda, 40 who is famous for marrying Les Dennis and turning him into a figure that now resembles Hadrian's Wall has been the real female winner of the show. As every-time someone talked about 'Britain's Got Talent' they displayed a photo of Boyle juxtaposed next to Amanda's fizz-hole. It is every ageing Bimbo's dream to be pictured next to a woman that resemble Eddie Large and Peter Butterworth from the smutty 'Carry On Films'.

Amanda 51, who has the ability to look surprised even with a face full of Botox and has won a 'TV Quick' award acknowledging this talent said "I am delighted to be hosting the competition in the NUDE, it is open to any mother....conditions are strict for fairness... to me. They cannot be young mothers like Julia Nadenko that awful belly dancer and I don't want any fifteen year old chavs turning up either. There will be strict rules on the age, attractiveness, the size and the physical condition of the contestants".

"I would be looking at mothers who are over thirty, but not in brilliant shape so people like Kate Moss, Cindy Crawford, Heidi Klune need not apply" said Amanda peering into her mirror.

"The age limit goes up to eighty however if the woman works out at a gym like that 'Madonna' fellow- they will be disqualified- even if like that 'Madonna' chappie they are sixty-five. We have to have rules".

Amanda soften as she explained " I am aware that many older women are still highly attractive but have no kids. So I will relax the rules and open the competition to childless women who look like Fabia or Susan Boyle. They are two of the sexiest women that have stood next to me - for a photo shoot.The likes of celebrity chavs such as Jordan, Jodie Marsh and Kerry Katona would be banned" added the stretched face malcontent.

" I think vanity and manipulation through one's sexuality is plain wrong and not right for the competition. But I would have dearly liked to have seen someone like Jade Goody enter and have my photo taken alongside her , while she was wearing an old bra, men's shorts and flip-flops and I was wearing a bikini and six inch heels....it is a shame she is no longer with us".

Amanda 's MILF may or may not be screened in the autumn , fellow British judges will be Maureen from 'Driving School', Grotbags, and Olive from 'On the Buses'. The Yanks will be represented by Kirstie Allie, Janet Jackson and Jessica Simpson.

"All three have a tendency to put on enormous amounts of weight" purred Amanda "And their inclusion on the program is dependant on them looking like Oliver Hardy....if anyone resembles Stan Laurel in size at the time of filming they will be kicked off the panel forthwith. We simply cannot have judges on the program who intend to outshine the contestants. Using a public program for a showcase to further your own career and ageing, but fit body is just soo! wrong!" giggled Amanda as she revealed she was not wearing any panties to a passing group of Japanese tourists.

Susan Boyle and Fabia have been signed up, but Amanda has given both strict instructions not to loose weight or sexify themselves before filming starts".

Amanda added " I am OK with Susan she did not look so great when she was slim, but that Fabia looks like she could be hot and loose a lot of weight, which would turn her routine of a hefty girl dancing and gaining my sympathy into- competition. I have warned her....."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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