Written by Dungeekin
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Monday, 1 June 2009

Sausage-factory TV talent impresario Simon Cowell has insisted that there will be another series of 'Britain's Got Issues', despite controversy and problems in the run-up to this years' Final.

The 2009 show, which saw a 10-year-old girl suffer an on-stage nervous breakdown and a Scottish spinster turn into a gibbering loon, was watched by 18 million ghouls and voyeurs across the nation, and Cowell has insisted that there's more to come.

Cowell, 76, told journalists, "there's so much more to come from this concept. I'm confident we can have at least two more successful series here in the UK. Britain DOES have Talent".

Speaking from his solid-gold hotel suite while being attended by oiled eunuchs and being fanned with huge palm-leaves made from £50 notes, Cowell added, "I'm sure that next season we can find a couple of genuine schizophrenics, at least one bipolar and a Tourettes sufferer, and I'm hopeful of seeing Britain's first on-screen suicide before 2011. And for me, this show has proved that Britain is hugely talented - Britain's talent is to make me vast quantities of money".

This years' runner-up Susan Boyle was unavailable for comment, as she was busy testing straightjackets and Largactil at the Priory.

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