Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 30 May 2009

image for Britain's Got Talent Susan Boyle And Hollie Steel Demand Public Enquiry Over 'Fixed' Result
How low can they get?

There was absolute pandemonium tonight at the Britain's Got Talent final after the Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, and the Accrington singing sensation, Hollie Steel, didn't win.

Both lost out to silly dance troupe, Diversity, and have now demanded a Public Enquiry into the public voting procedure.

Boyle, 48, and Steel, 10, both expected to win the first prize, and the unlikely duo have now teamed up to lobby Prime Minister Gordon Brown to look into, what they call, the 'dodgy dealings' of the show's producers.

Susan had made a particularly fine effort to make herself look presentable tonight, having even combed her tousled mop of hair, and sang her heart out in front of millions of TV viewers around the world.

Hollie, who tried desperately to con audiences last time around with a crying fit, looked visibly upset after the result was announced, and said:

"I want me mummy, and a Public Enquiry!"

Boyle also demanded that the votes be re-counted. When they were, it was discovered that only 27 people had voted, all of them for Diversity.

The winners, the 10-strong troupe of Chavs from Essex, did a celebratory performance of their 'street dance', which is absolutely the lamest act I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of lame acts, I can tell you. Group member and choreographer, the strangely-named Ashley Banjo, 20, said:

"Ah cart beleeeeeeeve it, Man! AhfortSusanadawonit."

Whatever happened to George Sampson, that breakdancing kid who won last year?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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