Piers Morgan Mr La -de- da TV critic stated yesterday- if Susan Boyle did not win Britain's Got Talent, he was officially a big poo donut.
The Scottish singer proudly lost out to the twenty thousand person dance group 'Diversity'. The pundits initially thought the vote would be split between them and 'Flawless', but 'Flawless' produced a disappointing 'Michael Jackson' routine which reminded people of er..... Michael Jackson!
Second place went to Boyle, who then went home to bed and wondered if she had wandered into the Twilight Zone in the last two months. She gave a angry performance of "I Dream a Dream of Things gone By" which was translated into English as "I kicked some heads in, they had to die" a message aimed at the scum tabloids.
Boyle was the top placed act of all the other hyped acts, Hollie Steel, Shaheen Jafargholi, Aiden Davis, Stavros Flatly and Shaun Smith did not live up to the hype.
Voters have said this was due to unfair coverage surrounding the judges special acts, that seemed to be getting too much attention- this created a backlash of hype saturation- after Hollie 'two-time' Steel's was shown favouritism after sobbing her baby blues out.
Audience members voted the Birmingham saxophone player Julian Smith into third place. In fact people were so peeved one voter said "I would have voted Tippy Toes the winner."
Susan Boyle was the only one of the hyped acts to have finished in the top three. Paul Potts remarkably finished in fourth place even though he was not in this year's competition.
Piers Morgan put the public voting down to apathy and loosing the will to care. He is of course now officially a DONUT- with a soft dog poo filling.Piers said " I have to avoid policemen, fat boys and Homer Simpson types, from now on- alongside the 47 million people who want to kick me in the knackers"
'Diversity' who have had very little coverage by the press will split the £100,000 between themselves equally- leaving them with exactly a crisp new fiver each. Julian Smith the only non-singing or dancing act deserved a break and was very good..........
Boyle has the pressure removed from her shoulders and Simon Cowell said " I am glad she is not performing in front of the Queen as she looks like she would bitch slap her- the mood she is in".
Both Cowell and Morgan were seen voting for 'Diversity' 100,000 times on various mobile phones. Ensuring their future Knighthoods are protected.
That's the end of that shit for another year!