Written by Bureau
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Topics: Rupert Murdoch

Saturday, 30 May 2009

image for Rupert Everett Says He's Not Gay After All!

Rupert Everett astounded friends and fans Friday by announcing that he is "Coming out of the garage".

I've known for the past ten years or more that I was no longer gay, probably longer than that", Everett told a reporter for "Big Boys & Their Favorite Toys".

"Of course I've had these great roles offered to me in movies and I don't want those to stop but I have to be honest here."

Everett says it started nearly 20 years ago when he went to a Hooters Restaurant.

"After that night at "Hooters", I began to dream about great big bazooms! Racks the size of my head and after awhile, I came to decide that a woman's body is so much more beautiful than a mans."

"For the past two months I've been slipping out while in disguise and attending Britney's Circus performance."

"Before that I began hanging around straight bars."

"Another thing, since women think I'm gay and I guess I was, they were so relaxed around me they hardly wore anything. I mean, it was 'I need to take a shower, Rupert, would you sponge my back?' Then they'd walk around the room like I was her sister or something."

"So I'm officially OUT OF THE GARAGE! I hope I don't lose any friends and fans but a person has to be honest about this thing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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