Tracey Eminem's new album 'Repeat' has sold less copies than any other 'art-rap' record in US and UK recording history.
'Repeat' is Eminem's fifth album, the previous four having been 'RapCrap', 'Arty Farty', 'The Tracey Eminem Con', and 'My 5 year-old Child Could Do This'. Eminem has returned to her roots, and has chosen a vegetable theme for her latest LP, and has collaborated once more with Dr Dross.
'The, like, first song is about broccoli', the rapper said, 'and reveals my own angst with my loathing of artistic talent. And other songs are about my inner elephant, the one that paints pictures, and my spaniel dog that rips up the cushions when I'm out rapping.'
'I was throwing the remains of the cushions into the street bin, when the Tate Modern's manager walked past and he told me that the shredded bits would make an art exhibition, about what is emotionally and politically happening today in Britain. What a plonker!'
Tracey Eminem is no stranger to controversy, indeed she once brought out a record with Notorious P.I.S.H. entitled 'A Wall Painted White Is Art', and was arrested in 2002 for what the courts described as 'a lack of artistic talent on a criminal scale'.
'Rappers are tired of being told that rap is complete and utter crap', the uncrappy rapper said. 'If Beethoven was alive today, he would be bringing out rap records. And Michaelangelo and Canneloni would be painting unmade beds, and doing sculptures made out of tin cans and cigarette ends.'
'1% of people are with me, 99% think that everything I do is total garbage. Hey, maybe I could get a council lorry to empty its refuse into a studio, and call it art! Nah, think I'll stick to the diversity and eclecticism of rap, it's continually updating and reinventing itself, always moving forwards and changing.'
R.I.P art and music. Joint funeral of the two will be held tomorrow, in Andy Warhol's living room.