Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 29 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle Quits Singing To Work On Dock
Shizza fine fuckensinger, ah'll fucken tellee!

Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, has sensationally quit singing today, after sensationally swearing at members of the media this week.

Boyle, 48, the star of Britain's Got Talent, had become so utterly pissed off with reporters following her every move, that she told them to:

"DELETED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR"

Today, the unemployed church worker told ITV bosses that she was quitting the show, as she had been offered a position as a Stevedore at Leith Docks in Edinburgh.

One fucken worker there told us:

"Och aye, lad. Susie's a fear auld shetmouth when she fucken gets fucken gowen! Shill fet en just fucken fine doon heer, an' Ah shouldnae fucken wonder, she'll be singen a few fucken songs as well!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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