Written by Ricardo Fromage

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Topics: Jade Goody

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

image for Jade's mum reveals the truth behind the visions
An artists impression of Jade Goody

Following from the shocking revalations that Jade Goody's mum Jaiqkwuie, has seen visions of her daughter in the clouds above Essex, it has become evident that seeing visions is a gift passed from generation to generation of Goodys.

Speaking outside the Chavneys, an upmarket spa and healthclub for minor celebrities, Jaickquie said" Oh yeah, Jade offen told me that she 'ad visions and she was guided by dem durin' 'er life. In fact, Jade fought she was like a modern Joan of Ark"

It is hard to argue with the logic of Jaiqkiues argument. After all, you only have to look at the startling similarities:

1. Jade, like Joan, was a peasant
2. Jade, like Joan, had a poor education
3. Jade, like Joan, was unable to speak coherent English
4. Jade, like Joan, was told in a vision to clear her homeland of foreigners. Joan did it by fighting the English in battle, Jade did it by being racist on TV.

Unfortunately, there are some minor flaws in the proposition as pointed out by Digby Farquharson of the Historical Experts Society. " As far as we know, Joan of Arc never had breast enlargements, brought out a fitness video or married a convicted criminal"

Essex county council later denied that they had started putting LSD into the water supply and their spokesperson threatened to "come round and chivvy us up"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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