Written by Khadija
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Monday, 25 May 2009

image for Bitter - Amanda Holden buzzes belly dancer, Julia Naidenko due to 'bimbo rage!'
Amanda was stopped from throwing a brick at Lativian beauty by audience members!

Resident totty and not much else Amanda Holden 45, buzzed the Latvian siren belly dancer as she gyrated and bumped her way through a pointless routine on the first of the BGT semi-finals.

Amanda 45, who had made an effort to look nice was overcome with 'bimbo rage,' when she saw someone younger and perkier on the stage being adored by men -who should have only had eyes for... Amanda 51.

An insider said "As the sexy belly dancer walked around the stage doing nothing more than being sexy you could see the steam shooting out of Amanda's ears and nose. It was making a sort of whistling sound - the sort that a kettle makes when it is about to boil over. Her chair started to shake as well".

When asked why she buzzed the Latvian beauty Amanda cowardly said "I am protecting the Queen because Prince Phillip would go all funny, licking his lips and shouting 'Phwoar - get em orf !' if she went through. This would be a breach of National Security , so I am recommending she be shot for treason or made a bit more uglier and fatter , before she appears on TV or in front of me again".

Simon and Piers put Amanda's buzzing down to 'bitchy jealousy' and the fact Amanda is no longer that easy on one's eyeballs- smearing her face with more make-up than Ronald MacDonald.

The Latvian dancer shimmied off stage, tossing her long blonde hair behind her; while the production crew tried to prise one of Nick Hells disembowelling knives, from Amanda's tightened grip.

An insider said " Amanda may insist the footage of Julia is digitally altered in the future and Julia's head be replaced by Barbara Bush's while her body replaced by Oliver Hardy's.

Amanda insists while these steps may seem severe they are to protect 'National and World security'.

Susan Boyle the bookies favourite produced a brilliant rendition of God singing 'memories'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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