Written by Dungeekin
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Topics: Patrick Swayze

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Patrick Swayze has condemned 'reckless' internet rumours that he is alive, in a Press conference today.

His angry rebuttal follows rumours on the Twitter messaging service yesterday, which appear to have been started by an American radio station, that he was in fact still breathing.

Speaking through spiritualist medium Whoopi Goldberg, Swayze, the star of Dirty Dancing, Roadhouse and...and...er...the star said, "rumours of my life have been greatly exaggerated. Trust, me, I'm deader than Dick Cheney".

Swayze spoke cheerfully about how much he is enjoying his death, saying, "it's been pretty good up till now, it's been great being out of the limelight. I'm using my eternal rest to the full, though - my spectral pottery skills are coming along nicely, and I'm pretty hopeful that I'll get to cop another phantasmal feel of Demi Moore's norks. I'll give her a shot of ectoplasm she won't forget in a hurry!"

He added, "in fact, this being-dead lark would be perfect if people would just stop playing that bloody Bill Medley track".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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