Michael Jackson does not have skin cancer after all. Newspaper reports which claimed he did were a tissue of lies gleaned from numerous dubious sources such as satirical websites and Jackson himself.
Jackson's personal surgeon, Victor Frankenstein MD told me:
"Michael doesn't have skin cancer at all. Somebody made that story up. Apart from odd bits of his body falling off at inopportune moments, Michael has never felt better."
The reports cast fresh doubts on the star's capability of performing fifty gruelling dates at London's O2 Arena, and were regarded in some quarters as being the precursor to Jackson cancelling the shows on health grounds and trousering the money.
"That isn't going to happen," the surgeon told me.
William Hill are offering 5-4 on a no show and 6-4 on Jackson's face disintegrating live on stage.
The Health And Safety Executive has advised that excessive skin-bleaching can be as harmful as excessive use of sunbeds and eating too many ham sandwiches.
More when we get it, because this story will have more twists and turns in it than an eighty foot spring.
We told you all this ages ago.