Written by The Garlic Press

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Friday, 15 May 2009

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HOLLYWOOD, CA - The beauty queen, and the former beauty queen. A star with conservative power, and a conservative with star power. Now, the two are teaming up for a remake of "Where the Heart Is," a 2000 drama/romance based on the best selling novel by Billie Letts.

Prejean will play Novalee Nation (originally Natalie Portman), a pregnant 17-year old who sets out for California with her trashy, mullet-headed boyfriend Willy Jack Pickens. When he abandons her at a Wall Mart in Oklahoma to pursue a country music career, she secretly moves in to the store, later giving birth there. She becomes a media darling and starts a new life with the help of some new friends.

Palin will play the part of Sister Husband (originally Stockard Channing), who takes in Novalee. Under her roof, she is exposed to the incessant "fornication" of Sister Husband and Mr. Sprock, for which Sister Husband constantly prays for forgiveness.

No word on who will play the part of Lexie Coop (originally Ashley Judd), Novalee's nurse, and later her best friend. Though Ann Coulter's name was mentioned, a co-producer was overheard saying, "Yes, Matt [Williams], but remember, we actually WANT people to come SEE the movie."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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