Written by Bureau
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Topics: Harry Potter

Thursday, 14 May 2009

image for Former Cheers "Cliffy" Gets Restraining Order For Ex-Girlfriend

According to AOL, John Ratzenberger is afraid of his ex-girlfriend who he states has been threatening him "country-music style".

In court papers, Ratzenberger claims his "Loretta Lynn/Tammy Wynette" has alluded in the past that she would channel rowdy man-hating country songs to exact revenge upon him.

"Cheers" Cliff Claven reportedly told a judge that she has "indicated that it is common in many country western songs for women to set the cars of their former boyfriends on fire or bobbitize them. I thought it was trucks and hound dogs under the porch."

"To me that statement insinuates that she may have the capacity to perpetuate this act or similar violent conduct."

In the filing, Ratzenberger also claims the unidentified woman has been leaving "harassing and intimidating phone calls, emails and text messages" and that he would feel safer if she would stay a good 100 yards away from him and his house.

If this doesn't work, Cliffy, maybe you should remind her about the traditions of the "Shoot "em Up Rage Of The Average Mail Carrier!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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