Exchange and Mart have come out as the clear bidders in the socialite war to cover the divorce of Katie Price from Peter Andre after three plus years of sharing exotic holidays, appearing lovey-dovey on talk shows and showing off their respective tramp-stamps.
Royal Photographer Brian Paparatsi - he's the senior photographer at Royal Photographers Ltd of Milton Keynes, weddings, funerals, holy communions and bar mitzvahs a speciality - has been exclusively commissioned to produce a full set of divorce photographs featuring the unhappy couple together, pulling hair, punches and pints at a special uncivil ceremony sanctioned by London Council.
A host of celebrities, many of whom are completely unstable, are expected to attend this low-key event being held in a top London Hotel within convenient diatsnce of all major tabloid newspaper publishers.
In keeping with the tone of the event, celebrity swearer and cook, Gordon Ramsey will, be preparing a 12-course banquet for the 800 guests expected to quietly attend this low-key event with their PR's and publicists.
Billy Connolly will be re-releacing his version of D.I.V.O.R.C.E. in honour of the event.
Max Clifford has also been commissioned. Highly commissioned in fact. At least 25%.