Written by Tess Tickles
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Topics: Jade Goody

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

image for Jade Goody To Star In 'I'm A Corpse! Get Me Out Of Here!'
"Screw you Shilpa Shetty!"

Jade Goody is the biggest name signed up to star in a new reality show which will begin on ITV in the autumn.

The show, to be presented by Ant & Dec and Trevor McDonald, will be called I'm A Corpse! Get Me Out Of Here! and TV bosses are hoping that it will prove a huge smash in the ratings war against Jeremy Paxman's Newsnight.

"It's on quite late because of the gruesome nature of the content", explained the brains behind the programme, Hans Monigrabben, a German who was also behind Harry Hill's TV Burp, Songs Of Praise and Postman Pat.

"Many celebrities were approached and we decided which ones to invite based on a number of factors. Fame, personality, the level of decomposition and whether or not we could break into the graveyard without being seen."

Joining Jade in the jungle will be a who's who of the dead celebrity circuit-Elvis, Greta Garbo, Charlie Chaplin, Ayrton Senna, Walt Disney, Walt Whitman, Evel Knievel, Ted Bundy, Saddam Hussein, Oscar Wilde, Mother Theresa, Kenneth Williams and the Marquis De Sade are just some of the stars lined up to entertain us in the fall.

The remains will be put into remote controlled wheelchairs and world class impersonators will provide their voices from a studio to make the dead come alive before our very eyes.

"We wanted to capture the essence of the cadavers personalities. We've put a lot of time and effort into portraying them as how they were when they weren't a bunch of stiffs. Viewers will be pleasantly surprised, I'm sure of it", says Monigrabben.

And he reveals that there may be shocks in store.

"They'll be flies everywhere and lions, tigers and vultures roaming around, possibly attracted to the smell of rotting flesh. I'll say no more. You'll just have to tune in and see what happens!"

Editor's Note: Trevor McDonald has contacted us to make it perfectly clear that he has not, and will not, take part in such a 'despicable show, which is surely beneath any civilized human being with an iota of intelligence.' I would like to apologize to Mr. McDonald and wish all the best to his replacement, Paul Gascoigne.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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