Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Tuesday, 5 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle refuses to sleep with Russell Brand- not 'desperate' she says!
Susan Boyle rejects squalid Russell Brand's advances - he is also known as the walking' petri dish'.

Sultry Scottish singer has declined an invitation to sleep with filthy man-slut Russell Brand.

Susan whose videos are youtube hits, has no inclination to sleep with Brand, whom some say has the morals and looks of a bonobo monkey.

The Celtic Princess has been receiving offers from males and females all over the world, which instigated the walking petri dish, Brand to throw his squalid used condom of a body into the arena.

It was quickly spotted and thrown back out, much to the chagrin of sexually repugnant Brand. An insider said " Odorous Brand is putting on a brave face because he really wanted to do her, after he had done a few vaccum cleaners and a plant pot, but her refusal has crushed his brittle, fragile ego- while he loves rejecting people; he personally hates rejection.

Boyle has had offers from various handsome men, including George Clooney as he looked back in 1990 and a 1986 Mickey Rourke before someone took a mallet to his face and called it cosmetic surgery.

Susan was confused when shown a video of Russell Brand saying "Ach looks like the progeny of an anorexia Demis Roussos and a Howler monkey. Sleeping with him would be like saving a bottle of champagne for thirty years and then handing it over to a piss stained alcoholic wino- you know.... a soddin waste.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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