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Tuesday, 5 May 2009

image for Penelope Cruz spills the beans on Tom's break-up with Nicole
With all this spilling the beans, is Penelope "cruzing for a bruising"?

Malaga, Spain - Penelope Cruz has confessed in a candid interview why Tom Cruise broke up with Nicole Kidman (yes, the cheque has cleared).

"As you know" said Cruz "Tom is the world's leading scientist. Nicole wasn't very scientific at all. She was more into geography and mathematics. She wasn't interested in Tom's scientific formulas and theories. Every night at the dinner table was a battle between the two. Tom would lead the dinner side discussion with his tales of aliens invading the earth, the exact amount of distance between the sun and Pluto, that sort of thing. Nicole would try to steer the conversation towards balancing the books, which country they would buy their next villa in, that sort of thing. Good golly those poor kids! They didn't know whether they were Arthur or Martha!"

"Things became so heated - Tom would come to work so upset. One day we were at work, I was in my trailer and Tom walked in looking all forlorn. He was so upset, he tripped and fell right on top of me. Our clothes fell off, I'm not sure how, must have been the stress - but that was when Nicole walked in. We tried to explain what had happened - you know that Tom had just tripped over - but Nicole wouldn't have a bar of it. They announced their divorce weeks later. Tom was so distraught after that he would trip on top of me every time he walked into my trailer. That must have been why people thought we were dating. The truth is, it was all just friendly - well until we nearly got engaged."

Cruz then decided to end the interview, saying it was time to film her new Loreal commercial, but did say with a wink that she had "even more gossip". Like, for example, she knew the real reason Brad and Jennifer split. That, she promised, was a story for another day - and another million Euro.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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