There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that Hannah Montana has contracted swine flu, this website can confirm.
After several days where nobody has suggested that Hannah Montana has either shown symptons of the disease, been to Mexico or been anywhere near somebody who has been to Mexico, we can exclusively confirm that the teen pop sensation is free from the disease.
We were not able to speak to Hannah directly, but a friend of a friend told us that this has been a difficult time for the singer: "Hannah is slowly coming to terms with the fact that she is not the centre of this worldwide sensational news story. She has taken this lack of attention very hard, but is doing well and doctors are optimistic of her pulling through." Clearly we were not able to confirm whether this story was true or not and it may have been made up.
Meanwhile, another 4 people in the world came down with a slight sniffle, causing the World Health Organisation to tell everyone who has ever lived on the planet to remain indoors for six months.
Elsewhere, Malaria continued to kill millions.