Supersonic Sid made a startling outburst this morning, by branding Susan Boyle both a liar and cheat, as he believes she is his former comedy partner, Eddie Large.
Sid who is a devout Christian demonstrated this by showing us a bible and singing the Lord's Prayer - blindfolded. He also remains adamant that the people's princess is 'Mr Large'.
He cites Amanda Holden, IQ 65, who is one of the judges on BGT. Mandy first shot to fame for dating talented Liverpudlian Les Dennis, but has shot to even more fame by saying "Susan Boyle looks like Eddie Large....bless her, but let's not patronise her, bless the poor old bird, for not looking like me, but let's not patronise her, bless".
Sid Little who has always had an 'eye' or 'four' for pretty ladies; he is not been married to, took Mandy's barbed, venomous, bitter observation as the literal truth "Girls that I find pretty, do not have the capacity to lie" added Supersonic "Only old broilers and fat men with enormous faces- yes very big large faces- they lie".
Christian Sid said " I don't know why Eddie has decided he has to dress as a woman to gain fame, we have already produced many hit records such as 'Rocksteady whenever your ready' and the other one 'Rocksteady whenever your ready', he should be happy with the fame we have already had in our lives- I am...... that is why I am in pantomime 356 days of the year".
Eddie Large who was last seen on BBC TV's 'Bargain Hunt' presented by a toothy posh fart called 'Tim' ,likes to collect Lladro miniature figurines in his spare time said this "That skinny man hides behind everything, his glasses, guitar, the bible and me. Of course I am not Susan Boyle, the similarity is of course strikingly eerie, but it is just the same as Clint Eastwood and Stan Laurel- to my knowledge no-one has linked them together in an urban myth"
"Sid has also accused me of being Bernard Manning in the past. He used to cry and kept calling me a racist. He always referred to the 'other me'. If I was you, I would ignore him, unless you are a member of the gutter press. In which case write down everything he says an print it!" added Mr Large who does have an exceedingly big face.
Regardless many internet tossers and Sid Little are not convinced "You have never seen them in the same room together have you?", added devout Christian Sid.
Our reporter pointed out, for everyone in the world to be seen together in the same room , we would need a room bigger than North and South America combined. To which Supersonic said "I have seen such a room selling on E-bye-gum-bay....your argument is not valid".
We left Sid wistfully turning the pages of various tabloids starring at photographs of Susan Boyle - stating he recognised the comedy frocks that 'Eddie' aka 'Susan Boyle' had been photographed wearing. He added "If you play the B- side of 'Rocksteady whenever your ready' you can hear Eddie singing ' I dream a dream' and it sounds zackly the same!"
Supersonic can be seen in Pantomime somewhere in Britain today, don't knock it -it's pays well. On Sunday he can be seen in church. The eighties comedy duo Cannon and Ball have also become devout Christians since leaving mainstream TV, which suggests both Ant and Dec and Gordon Brown and Tony Blair will also become devout Christians in the future.
The 'Boys in Blue' with 'Cannon and Ball', was a disgraceful film as was 'That Riviera Touch' with 'Morecambe and Wise', 'friggin' dreadful' it was.
Eddie and Susan were both born in SCOTLAND!