Written by Stone Riprock
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Topics: Death, Los Angeles

Wednesday, 30 June 2004

image for Nancy Reagan: "I'm In Love Again"
"Yo Nancy, quit yer wigglin', Mr. T don't swing that way"

LOS ANGELES - Only weeks after the death of her husband, former President Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan announced that she has found love again. The object of her affection is none other than 1980's TV star and bling-bling pioneer Mr. T. "He's just so delicious, I could eat him up," Nancy gushed.

The couple were interviewed in a home they've purchased together in a Los Angeles suburb. In a bizarre twist, the home was heavily festooned with Christmas decorations. Mr. T explained that Nancy thinks that it's Christmas year-round now. "And I pity the poor fool that be tryin' to tell her anything else. I won't never hear the end of it if you go and get her all riled up."

The happy couple gave each other matching Mr. T dolls. Mr. T explained that he has several warehouses full of the dolls that didn't sell after his show, "The A-Team," went off the air and his popularity plummeted. "She don't remember what I got her from one day to the next, and Mr. T don't be shoppin', so I just wrap up a couple of these dolls every day."

The former First Lady appeared to be getting a bit randy as she sat on Mr. T's lap, who rapidly called an end to the interview, but not before Nancy insisted to the reporters that Mr. T would one day be president. "I made a president out of the last dumb-as-a-stump husband, and I'll do it again. You'll see."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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