Lindsay Lohan, 22 has started dating Peanuts actress Peppermint Patty, much to the horror of her life long partner Marcie.
Marcie, has been following the gravel-voiced, sandal-wearing Peppermint Patty around for years; calling her 'sir' and being the brains of the partnership.
But after their thirty year relationship - which is only thirty minutes in animation life, Patty has called it a day.
Lindsay Lohan who is not gay, bisexual or straight said "Peppermint Patty and I have so much in common, we were both child stars and have dysfunctional families. I love her very much and want the world to know of this love, which is a love between to females, but it is not gay".
The pair were seen walking hand in hand at various glamorous night-spots. An onlooker said "They were kissing and cuddling, oblivious to who was watching through a little hole, drilled in the wall of their private room"
Marcie is said to be inconsolable and is being comforted by her half-sister Velma Dinkley from Scooby-Doo. Velma had these strong words for Lohan "Jeepers Lohan you are such an uncool person"
In support of his close friend Marcie, Scooby-Doo agreed to maul both Lohan and Peppermint Patty - but only after he was given a Scooby-Snack. Charlie Brown called for calm from his Florida prison cell, where he is serving a forty year stretch for armed robbery and extortion. "These things happen dude, these things happen" said the eponymous star of many a depressing cartoon.
Sam Ronson is thought to be dating 'Dora the Explorer,' as a protest to being dumped by Lohan.