Geoffrey Palmer's jowls have exploded. The blast which was heard by neighbours happened at around 6am this morning.
Mr Palmer, best known for his lugubrious roles in sitcoms is said to be "looking less lugubrious".
The jowls have been steadily increasing in size over the last twenty years. Last year doctors estimated each circumference to be two-thirds the size of the Millennium Dome and had reportedly wanted to lance each jowl with a fencing sword. It is said also that they had offered him a jowl transplant but he had declined saying it would be a "bloody cheek".
MP Tessa Jowel was unavailable for comment.