Belair, CA-- Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy magazine and the Playboy lifestyle says he's "exausted," and that he "needs to take a nap."
Hefner, who is 84 years young, is a pop culture icon, a dirty old man and a hero to men and boys of all ages.
Hefner (or Hef as he'll be called in the rest of this story) has a constant enterouge of beautiful, eager to please women, all of whom are young enough to be his great-granddaughters at his beck and call.
Hef lives in the Playboy Mansion, a palace dedicated to the Playboy lifestyle he created and where orgies are a daily occurrence
Yet, in spite of this (or perhaps because of it) it's been reported that Hef is starting to feel like all of his 84 years-- and then some.
"Senor Hefner stinks of 'old man'," reports a maid in the Playboy Mansion. "The stink cannot be washed away-- it is everywhere!"
Another member of the Playboy Mansion staff had this to say about Hef's downhill slide:
"Between you and me, Hef pops Viagra, Levitra and Cialis like they're Skittles. And even then he can still barely 'make the rounds,' if you get my drift."
I had to assure him that I did indeed get his drift before he would continue.
"Poor old guy just sits and eats tapioca pudding and drinks prune juice more and more.
"Yesterday he had some of his girlfriends give him a rub down-- with Ben-Gay! He says the cold messes up his sciatica, but it's 86 degrees outside!"
When Hef was asked to reply to these allegations that he's an old fart his response was, "Are you my mommy?"