Jade Goody's family and friends have succumbed to panic, they believe Jade 'What's her name' Goody, will be forgotten. The international attention paid to 'Britain's Got Talent', has grossly chipped away at Jade's memory and by the end of next week only the Big Brother producers and a lame street kid in 'INJA' (India), called Suresh will remember her.
To grab the spotlight back before she is catapulted into the dim world of forgotten reality star inhabited by Jeremy Speke, Maureen from Driving School and Christine Hamilton, her family have announced "Jade Goody - The Musical".
The 'Goody team' are on a highly publicised campaign to find an ordinary girl to play Jade Goody. The criteria is - she must be slightly overweight - Susan Boyle. Not much to look at - Susan Boyle. Generate ridiculous public attention - Susan Boyle. Talentless - not Susan Boyle. 'The last factor is being overlooked as the character of Jade needs to be able to sing' said Max Difford as he stuffed his pockets, briefs, socks and all holes with cash.
The musical will include such tunes as "Gypsies, Tramps, Thieves, Lesbians and Poor Trash","Video killed the radio star and also the television star", "Wide- eyed and Clueless", "Them Heavy People", "Downtown Girl" and many more.
'Susan Boyle' has been approached to play 'Goody' and it was announced that the fact she is twenty-years older and Scottish will be overlooked for the sake of Jade's memory and money.
Jade's widower Jack Tweed-Jacket said "Jade would have grown into someone like Susan physically, although she would not have had the voice or the bigotry and fings. Susan is a lovely lady and I am considering marrying her, which has nuffink to do with money or nuffink".
It is thought Shilpa Shetty will be playing herself and is undertaking a course of acting lessons to do justice to the part. Shilpa said "Playing me is very hard and it will not be an easy task. However, I am better than the 'Slum-Dog' cast and I predict I will win an Oscar or something that I really don't deserve for my part in the play. Because I am simply, fantastic and everyone genuinely loves me".