Hollie Steel, from Accrington, Lancashire and Shaheen Jafargholi may have to don a pair of boxing gloves to settle the dispute of who is the best, says Simon Cowell.
Simon has reportedly told insiders he is sick of pretending to 'be surprised', Amanda Holden says she is sick of saying 'she has goose bumps' and Piers Morgan is sick of being 'himself'. Therefore contestants that we ALL know are good- will have to settle their talent dispute in the boxing ring.
The first fight will be between ten year old Hollie Steel and twelve year old Shaheen Jafargholi. Being smaller, younger and female, Hollie will be allowed to recruit one other contestant to throw one kidney punch at young Shaheen. Insiders say she has chosen Susan Boyle who is the West Lothian caber tossing and porridge stirring champion. Pebbles' Susan's cat will be allowed one 'kitty swipe' or nip to young Shaheen's ankles.
Ballet dancing Hollie is actually a singer, but Simon decided he couldn't use 'the stop the child in mid-song' routine again, so the voice of yet another angel donned a tu-tu and shuffled about on stage like a young Kathy Bates with callipers and then revealed her secret weapon at the end - a good singing voice'.
Simon who is desperately running out of expressions settled for the Scooby Doo jaw-drop. Hollie will be giving Shaheen a run for his money in the ring "I am thin , but I'm lean, he's a big lad but he's out shape' said the little Northern ballerina girl.
Critics say 'the show is desperately running out of gimmicks'. But Simon has a few more up his sleeve. Next week it will feature a man being given the last rites on his hospital bed, only to have Ant and Dec ( who aren't needed) act surprised, when he regains consciousness and performs a heart-warming rendition of Russ Abbott's 'Atmosphere' accompanied by a comb and tissue paper. The unemployed, blind man with a mild bladder weakness and a penchant for yoghurt; will battle it out with Susan Boyle in a jousting match for a place in the final.
'Britain's Got Talent and Simon got some good ideas' can be seen anywhere in the world.