A giant mansion on the Canaries with its own postcode - Simon Cowell has announced he will be launching a brand new TV show in Canada called America's Got No Talent which we will be followed up by the Scottish version England's Got No Talent, the English version Go Home Little Green Leprechauns and the New Zealand version Australia Sucks.
"I don't' know where the idea came from" Cowell said, "it just popped in my head - this happens a lot to me you know. I mean, it's no wonder I'm so filthy rich."
"The idea is still forming in my head, like molten rock before it becomes a volcano, but I do have some basic ideas of what will happen on the show(s)."
According to Cowell the Canadian version intends to "round up a bunch of reject yanks, put them on stage, point and laugh and then vote on them." The other versions of the show will be attempting similar feats.
But the Institute for Racial Equality has expressed its concerns at the racist and offensive undertones of the shows' titles and they may be pulled from the air before they are even able to breath. "The New Zealand show particularly concerned us" they said "you just can't call a TV show Australia Sucks - it is offensive to all Europeans, not just Austrians and Germans. As for that leprechaun jibe, I don't think the French would appreciate that either. I predict a riot."
Cowell is sticking to his guns saying that friendly rivalry has existed between the above countries for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. "When it comes down to it, all I care about is the money anyway. Racist Schmacist!"