Written by Earnest A. Peal
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Thursday, 23 April 2009

image for Susan Boyle audition-video sans talkover
The Blackburn Council has begun a campaign to beautify the town after Morgan's snub.

The producers of Britain's Got Talent have finally responded to a flood of viewer requests and an online petition asking them to release an uninterrupted mike and camera feed of Susan Boyle singing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserable.

Petitioners, who at last count numbered 245,786, were annoyed at the interruptions of interviewers Cam and Dec in the wings, as well as by screen shots of Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell, with many calling Cowell a "smug prick" and Morgan a "snob".

The comments regarding Morgan are likely in reference to his calling Boyle's hometown of Blackburn, West Lothian "a dump". A camera crew filming Boyle last week was ordered to shoot in nearby Bathgate instead after the area "appalled" Morgan. The comments regarding Cowell are probably in reference to his being a smug prick.

The cheering of the audience was also cited as "overly loud" by many.

There were no particular complaints about Amanda Holden, though many petitioners added comments requesting that the judges' table be removed to better show off her legs and cleavage.

The producers are considering releasing a studio version called "camera angle front, performer mike feed" which excludes most background and offstage noise. The remaining difficulty is to find a way to make money from the release. A video with a mandatory preceding commercial on the Britain's Got Talent website is the most likely choice.

The United Biscuit Company has expressed interest in using the release to promote its Chocolate Digestive Biscuits, planning to stress the company's Scottish roots and the fact that 52 McVitties Chocolate Digestive Biscuits are eaten per second, nearly as impressive as Susan Boyle's 115 YouTube visits per second.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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