DATELINE:LONDON-- Scottish song-bird Susan Boyle experienced her first sexual orgasm in front of millions of people Sunday night. She was briefly hospitalized following the unexpected physical release, and is resting at home. Susan never had an orgasm before and thought it might be a heart attack.
The sweaty spinster was belting out 'Hey Jude' on stage last night when it happened. Susan suddenly realized the sexual nature of the old Beatles' song and became excited. Decades of sexual frustration and denial came boiling to the surface for everyone to see. Her fat, round face blushed crimson and her lips began to quiver.
Suddenly, Susan collapsed onstage in front of millions of people. She curled up in a sweaty ball of flesh and hair and moaned with desire. Hot waves of sexual release washed over her body.
The audience became silent with concern, and the music stopped. It quickly became obvious Susan was only having an orgasm. The audience shrieked with laughter and derision at the spinster, as she continued to have wave after wave of orgasms. The embarrassing display finally ended after ten minutes and Susan was able to stand up and compose herself.
"Does this mean I'm still a virgin?" asked Susan, as she spoke into the microphone. The audience responded with jeers and wild shrieks of evil laughter.