Paris Hilton has been signed to star in a remake of the 1964 classic film Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. The new film will be directed by first time director and former Paris pal Nichole Richie (daughter of pop singer Lionel Richie).
This new movie will, however, include a slight title change. That title will be Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blonde.
Paris will play the three parts played in the original by Peter Sellers. Said Richie, "anything somebody that sold male prostitutes could do, I can do better. My daddy says that I'm better than anyone who works with hookers. Paris is a richer class of skank and is not a whore, so she's better too."
"I picked Paris for the part because she says that she's done it every way anyone can do it and that some of them were pretty strange. If you are the expert at something, that gives you a PhD... and if you have a PhD, then you are a Doctor! That must make Paris Dr. Strangelove, so this is just typecasting!"
The George C. Scott part of General Buck Turgidson will be played in the new movie by Burt Reynolds. "He was so cool in that Celebrity Jeopardy thing on Saturday Night Live where he kept saying that his name was Turd Furgeson that we just had to use him because the name is so close."
When told that the SNL parody actually had Norm McDonald playing Burt Reynolds, Richie asked where the "parody" was and if she was wearing the right clothes.
The part of Major Kong, who rides a nuclear warhead in the climactic scene of the movie, will be played by John Travolta. Richie explained that "he did so good riding those mechanical bulls in Urban Cowboy and he's an old man, so Paris and I decided that he could do this one too."