Written by Khadija
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Susan Boyle

Sunday, 19 April 2009

image for Susan Boyle has never been kissed, but has had Nooky Sex!
Susan Boyle has been 'filling her boots since 1971" - no kissing though

Susan Boyle - the voice of a nightingale said yesterday "I really don't know why everyone assumed I said I was the Virgin Mary. I just said I haven't been kissed. I don't like kissing but I like to fill me boots from time to time. What's the big deal and why all the assumptions?"

On hearing the gaffe made solely on assumption and idiotic stereotype the BGT legal team said "We never said Susan was a women who hadn't been poked. People assumed she was a cherry-keeper, because she looked a bit rough. But she did give us an indication she was not a chaste woman by gyrating her hips in a provocative yet, sexually off-putting way".

In the meantime producers have asked other contestants to be more specific about sexual habits by asking them to fill in lengthy questionnaires which details sexual proclivities. Such as, have you ever had sex with a man, woman, animal, minor, minor bird, birds-eye fish finger, finger puppet, puppet on a string, string vest, a vacuum clear hose or a dead body? The questionnaire was designed by Russell Brand.

Tara Sara Alissa Palmer-Huntley one of twenty researchers on the program stated "We can't assume because someone has never been kissed they are not into Golden Showers or S and M. We are living in sordid times, especially Simon Dowell"

Meanwhile Susan Boyle is now the richest woman in Britain and only has 'two dollars' less than Oprah Winfrey. She is due for a makeover by Gok and will sing in front of the Pope in a frock, which was once the Shroud of Turin.

Make Khadija's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 3?

5 15 4 10
83 readers are online right now!

Go to top