Dame Susan Boyle , OBE, Knight of the realm, is to be given a makeover by that strange creature Gok. The weird thing with the tin-tin quiff, beat fellow tran-sexual rivals Tranny and Suemanna for the job.
Gok real name 'Gok Wanabeinmygang' said he was delighted at being granted the task of plucking, preening and de-mousing the Scottish Spinster who is the current owner of Charlotte Church's former voice.
"When I, a certified nobody, finishes with her, not even her own cat 'Pebbles' will recognise her. He may even scratch her eyes out in fright. But they will be sexy eyes! "
Larry King the former award winning journalist and current part-time scavenger of British Tabloid stories added " After her make-over by Gok, who I need to have on my program also. I will over-react, marry her and set up home with her in the roughest part of Govan. Somebody shoot me. I'm sooooo bored with life"
Gok will be responsible for Susan's dress fittings in her Turin Shroud Evening dress. The oily makeover person said "She needs to loose five stone and look like a young Sharon Stone in the next six weeks. If anyone can help her it is me. I 'made' Rik Waller over and now he is the young Nick Jonas and Michelle McManus is now Miley Cyrus. Sadly I could only manage to turn 'Lynn Perry' into 'Sharon Osbourne' - well nobody is perfect!"